Monday, August 6, 2012

I go through all this before you wake up.

it's been raining for the last few nights
and I can hear drops on my roof,
marbles falling hard on corrugated beams,
scaring my dog and keeping me awake.

I keep looking outside from my window,
wondering what the temperature is like out there.
no matter how loud the air conditioner is,
it never seems like it's cooling down the real estate inside
even though my dog hides under my blankets
surfacing for breath like a whale,
breaking through bedding and drawing deep
before hiding underneath again
falling asleep among queen-size cotton.

he's chewed through them by now—
the blankets, that is—
and some of the holes in them are big enough for him to crawl through.

and he does, which seems sorta self-fulfilling
leading me to wonder of the paths I've made,
the passageways I've created.

I keep planning across the country to try something new
but it fades after a day or four,
leading me right back where I started from
which is strange,
because it isn't even here that I came from

this place is all new
and somehow very, very old.

I found myself driving a bunch of drunk girls to some party last night
(long story)
but spent the whole time wondering about home
and what it would've been like
if I stopped making these same mistakes
and just let something good happen.

but I don't think I can
and I keep trying to figure out why.

yesterday
my dog got caught in the wires hanging from my desk's keyboard tray,
the mouse and keyboard cords wrapping around him mummy-tight
and when he started struggling
he brought the tray down on his back,
crying out like a newborn babe

and that's not really related to what I'm thinking about
except that he was so scared
and shook so much he practically turned into Candlestick Park circa 1989
leaving me to pick him up and hold him until he was still
(just under an hour, honestly)

so I'm just gonna sit here
and wonder where you are,
thinking about bing cherries and club soda
and the ways you spend your Sunday morning,
hoping that it's all making you smile

because yours is far too lovely to go undone
and if there's anything I miss
(which there is)

it's that.

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