(she's very nice and said I was "delightful")
and after I finished work
walked over to the episcopal church on my block
listened to Peter Gabriel for an hour on the back pew
feeling God in rhythm and love in candlelight.
for the briefest of seconds
things cleared up in my brain
and I'm going to hold onto that
as the dark, quiet nights
get darker and quieter.
someone told me once that I was only miserable
"because [I] had abandoned religion.
religion has answers," she said, "answers
that [I] definitely need[ed]."
but I don't mind not having the answers.
I always liked mystery novels more than science textbooks.
I'd take Ellroy over Einstein and pray for the space between
and I have been praying a lot lately.
I always stuck with prayer,
even in brief bouts of theobitterness,
but it's different now than it was when I was a kid:
I don't really pray for "things," really,
just to know someone know what I'm thinking
when you ask a question,
the best answer
is no answer at all.