Monday, July 4, 2011

to the pretty girl at Safeway in a new town:

When I walked past the bananas, checking each bunch for optimal green/yellow/brown ratios, I, to turn a phrase, noticed you noticing me noticing you (there may have been additional noticing in there somewhere, but bear with me). We both seem to have smiled simultaneously at one another, and, being a New Man in a New Town, I thought to myself:

"Hey, what the hell, maybe I should ask her out. Establish a premise of being unfamiliar with my surroundings, needing a recommendation for a good Thai place/coffee shop/credit union [hey, I'm super new, I'm allowed to ask], and then we'd hang out and I'd invite you back to my apartment for a nightcap or cup of coffee or snow cone or something.

So we'd get up there, you'd see that the whole place was in complete disarray (but in a nice, homey way) and you'd see the pictures of my nieces and nephews that are as of yet my entire decoration and ask me about them and I'd regale you with tales of our primarily food-related misadventures and how they're what I miss the most about Utah.

And then, through the unpredictable course of conversation, we'd find a handful of idiosyncratic personal connections, like a shared hatred of Bugs Bunny or a completely uninformed fascination with meteorology or that we both adore exposed brick architecture and I would feel the irresistible compulsion to kiss you, but then you'd look around the apartment and see how I had literally no furniture, be offended by my complete lack of home aesthetic preparation and run outside, screaming things like 'THIS MAN HAS NO COUCH!' at the top of your lungs into the ether of an otherwise quiet Sunday night in Colorado Springs."

So, for these and other reasons, Pretty Girl at Safeway, I felt it best to leave you undisturbed and a chance untested. But I'm going mattress shopping this week and I'll be picking up some really cheap folding chairs so that there's at least SOMETHING to sit on besides the cold, carpeted floor of my cozy little pad.

But perhaps, Pretty Girl at Safeway, we shall meet again, and I'll have more than ramen and light-brown tap water to offer you.