Friday, March 11, 2011

an evening's conversation:

Ashley and Merrianne have made it a weekly occurrence to accompany me and eat phallic foods at local eateries. Foot-long corn dogs, churros, burritos, what have you. So tonight, they put together a special itinerary and took me out--paid for dinner and everything (even with no guarantees of me putting out!)--for some yonic food.

After consuming three rolls of sushi (totally against my no-rice, boxing training diet) and a cupcake, we went back to their house, the three of us sitting in the dark, contemplating The Things That Matter.

And I fell into silent disbelief when Ashley told me of her belief that I am indeed an optimist.

"...what?"

"Yeah," she said. "You always look for the best in people and situations and you give them way too much credit. And too much faith."

"I have never in my life been accused of optimism by any whose opinion I'd deem reasonable." I sipped my water in disbelief.

"It's true, though," Merrianne said. "You defend people that don't deserve defense."

"Hmmm." I contemplated this with another sip and took a deep draw of their apartment's air. I looked across the room at the DVD shelf and tried to make out titles in the dark based only on whatever vague color scheme I could denote from a dimly viewed angle. "Can I ask you guys a really sad question?"

They nodded in unison.

"...does everybody in relationships cheat?"

A moment's silence.

"Yeah," Ashley said. "Everybody cheats."

"Well," Merrianne said, "pretty much everybody."

"So not everybody everybody, just mostly everybody," I said.

"Actually, no." Merrianne stopped. "Yeah, everybody does."

"Oh." I slid a melting ice cube between my chattering teeth and let it roll like an ocean wave across my tongue. "That makes me sad."

"Merrianne," Ashley said, "tell him the camera story."

My ears piqued. "Camera?"

"So remember that guy I was kind of dating?" Merrianne asked. Ashley chuckled in anticipation. I acknowledged with a nod. "So I was talking to him on the phone the other day and I mentioned something about how--did I tell you about the thing about my camera?"

"No."

"Oh," she said. "Well, I found this thing where I can make some modifications to my old film camera in order to turn it into a Polaroid camera."

"Totally steampunk," Ashley said.

"Yeah," Merrianne agreed. "So after about ten rolls worth of normal film I won't have to develop because, you know, instant pictures, I will have saved enough money to have made it worth it, saving a few bucks each time from having to go develop it at Allan's."

"Okay," I said.

"So I was talking to this guy--that guy I was kinda dating--"

"But he's stupid," Ashley said.

"--sorta, yeah," Merrianne said, "but yeah, I was talking to him, and I told him about the camera thing and how excited I was, and he goes 'Is there something that'll turn it into a digital camera?'"

Crickets outside stopped chirping and my jaw--literally--dropped. "What?"

"Yeah," she said. "So I had to explain to him that film cameras take pictures because of the actual film physically reacting to chemicals and light and stuff and it took really, really long."

"What a dumbass, right?" Ashley said. I'm too aghast to physically react, so I hope that my eyes reflect my disbelief.

Merrianne continued. "Yeah. He got confused, so I told him that digital cameras capture it, you know, digitally, but that film cameras work in a completely different way and it took, like, forever."

The subject changed and the conversation swerved between topics like a drunk driver. But in the back of my mind, I spent the remainder of the evening trying to decide which I thought was worse: that everyone is horrible enough to cheat, or that people stupid enough to think that film cameras can reasonably be converted to digital ones.

I have yet to take a stance.

2 comments:

Kels H. said...

You do definitely give people [who haven't disappointed you] a lot of credit. I would at least call you rather positive. & it this is a completely fictional piece, well, then, I still think you're rather nice.

Lachelleandmanasseh said...

It's unclear if you were referring to cheating ON someone in this piece. If so, I only half agree. Not everyone cheats, but I think you either cheat or are cheated on. For some reason, that's more depressing to me.