Okay, so here's the deal.
In talking with Carina tonight, my love and adoration for How I Met Your Mother, the show that makes me happier than almost literally anything else ever, was reawakened with a gale force. Rachel has taken to simply referring to me as "Ted," and I can't tell her that she's wrong. We do, after all, own three of the same shirts, and also share a sweet leather jacket. He's got better hair, but I grow a better beard, so it sorta evens out.
But here's the issue: if I'm Ted, who are (from left to right) Marshall, Lily, Robin, and Barney?
Candidates for Marshall and Lily are easily narrowed down because they have to be a couple. First place is Nic and Katie; they've known me the longest have been there for sorta everything. Second place is the aforementioned Rachel and her cat-loving Dave. Not least because Rachel sorta demands that she be Lily. And that's fine with me.
Robin is probably Sam, except that we've never dated (like Rachel with Lily, Sam also requested that she be Robin). I'll probably go with Robin being Claire, though; we've sort of got a "history," she gets mad at me all the time (she's currently pissed that I made a broad stereotype about the diction of most dance majors), and she often has really terrible taste in boyfriends.
But Barney is a bit tougher to crack. I've got an unsubstantiated theory that Barney is just Ted's id and that everyone plays along with their deranged friend's psychosis. I don't really think that's true, but it's a reading that makes the show pretty bizarre, and I think it actually sorta works, given Ted's occasional douchebaggery and Barney's occasional tenderness. So does that make Barney me, too?
I mean, I do wear suits, I do have lists for everything, and I do get mad when I have to re-tell a story that already exists on my blog.
But no, I'd say that the Barney Crown goes unadorned. Most of my male friends are decent enough fellas, and so I won't insult any of them by accusing them of the lovable-albeit-terrible misogyny of Mr. Barney Stinson. However, if anyone feels like being a wingman....
Ted, after reflexively telling Robin (on their first date) that he loves her and being subsequently humiliated, gives a very familiar-sounding speech:
"I'm done being single. I'm not good at it. Obviously, you can't tell a woman you just met that you love her, but it sucks that you can't. I'll tell you something, though...if a woman--not you, but some, uh, hypothetical woman--were to bear with me through all this, I think I'd make a damn good husband. Because that's the stuff I'd be good at. Stuff like making her laugh and being a good father and walking her five hypothetical dogs."
So I've gotta move to New York. I'm pretty sure that's where she's hiding. Or, you know. Thereabouts.