Sunday, February 7, 2010

i'm trying to find you (12/27)

but i'm out of metaphors and
i don't know where to look
and the only way i was able to find you before

--the upturned couch cushions and
the dirty sheets and the empty cans and
the soiled corks and the nails scarring my back and
the lies we told and the pensive glances and
the sad songs and hidden hungers--and

i'm better for it and
i've got my head out the window
like a golden retriever
my eyes are open so wide in the wind

but you're still so far away and
it's been days and weeks and years and
you've disappeared
you've disappeared.

yes i'm stumbling through the dark
(those are lyrics from a jayhawks song that has
slowly stolen any sleep i've been able to
snatch from the night and
i wish you'd have been around to hear it) and

karin said that this might happen and
that the things that we are compelled to do
the things that we can simply not not do
and will
--ruin our relationships and
she was right and

while i'm so glad to be able to be able to
actually think through this instead of dripping and sloshing
through glass after paragraph after glass after paragraph but
sometimes it's harder than others and
right now it's harder than others and

i'm tired of taking wooden nickels
when all i want is something that shines.

1 comment:

Kels H. said...

"Don't take any wooden nickles when you sell your soul" <3 The Eels.

Also, the word verification for this comment is "nadibedn." To me, this seems like a bilingual cryptic warning... oooh... spooky.