Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Always poker-faced before bingo.

Between the existentially invigorating comic books, the romantic exercises in muted could'vebeens, and the pleasures of clean livin', my sleep has been as neglected as truck stop cleanliness. The majority of my recent posts have been between 3 AM-5 AM, and that's not me posting previously written things in the romantic twilight hours. The few of you that have been so fortunate (yes, it's a gift, you lucky bastards) to have seen me write first-hand (okay, it's not that exciting, except that I'm told that I type really loud) know that I write directly into this little Blogger box, as opposed to a more time-honored and format-friendly Word document, followed by a copy/paste.

I am not a man that finds much use in the copy/paste.

So tonight, as I look at a sink full of breakfast-caked dirty dishes, an empty jar of peanuts, and a living room in complete disarray--hoodies thrown to the floor, blankets strewn over a stack of books, a stack of notes and revisions high enough to be a child's booster seat--I see nothing but potential. Things are clear right now. That sort of clarity is often hard to come by for someone like me, and that's okay. I'm more or less satisfied to live in a world without clarity, without certainty, where faith and knowledge exist side-by-side but not inclusively. I'll read my Christopher Hitchens and my Garth Ennis and I'll follow it up with Vonnegut and McInerney and I'll hear the Eels and Ryan Bingham and Guided by Voices and Bob Mould and Scrawl and John Doe--ooooooh John Doe--and that'll be enough for me.

Someone read a recent thing I'd written and assumed, falsely (but not unreasonably) that it was about them. But here's a spoiler alert: it was about me.

My bottle of water and I are heading into a bed with clean sheets and fresh pillowcases and I'm gonna fall asleep to an episode of How I Met Your Mother and revel in the world slowing down, closing its eyes as I close mine, for just a handful of hours, considering the good fortune and cosmic turns of events that have put me in such a place.

And I'm gonna finish out my 24th year in style. God knows I've got reasons to celebrate.

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